The Player

Okay so about five years ago I went with my cousin (Loud Mouth- lol she’ll love that title) to pick up her report card at her high school. June 25th, 2002 to be exact. Yeah. Anyways, the night before my aunt and uncle asked me to sleep over and I really really didn’t want to but my parents thought it was a good idea, and that I would have fun. To be honest, their house used to smell (I don’t know why! But I never told them) and The Loud Mouth always wanted to talk and do all sorts of activities. I was kind of a lazy kid. So, I got bullied into sleeping over, even though I didn’t really have clothes to wear the next day and would have to wear the same outfit I was wearing (quelle catostraphie!). On the bright side, my aunt used to let The Loud Mouth wear eye liner (even though she’s a year younger then me) and I got to wear some too for the first time!! *All you girls out there get me*

So I went with her to the school and we were planning to go out for breakfast afterwards and then to her nonnas. That’s when I saw him. I swear to god I still remember every little detail about it, in fact, I even wrote a short essay for my English class on it (how corny). It was love at first sight, I’m not kidding. I fell madly passionately in love with him in a second. He was tall, and built and had the most adorable smile! We barely even spoke but he walked The Loud Mouth and I to the bus stop and gave us both a hug. So that’s where it all began. I won’t go into all the details, maybe I’ll post the essay later on, but I basically fell in love with him and he broke my heart. Did I mention that The Loud Mouth set me up with him, while he was dating her best friend? Yeah. He cheated on me the entire time and ever since then we’ve kinda been on and off. Well, more like, we text message each other and he sees me in between his girlfriends (and while- although I usually don’t know he has one until afterwards). Why am I so in love with this loser? I HAVE NO IDEA! I swear, there’s something about him that I absolutely cannot resist, ever.

From the age of 14 until I was about 17 I would do anything for The Player. He would say jump and I’d ask how high. It was rather pitiful. In fact, even while I was with The Ex, I still held a torch for The Player. I mean, I loved them both but in totally different ways. When we started college and actually went to the same school together, it got a little easier. My first semester really taught me a lot and I guess I kinda was able to push everything away from me. Seeing him everyday desensitized my emotions- sorta. I still got these wild crazy butterflies when he would walk into the caf or through the halls, but I was able to control it. I even learned how to stop shaking around him.

The Player always cheats on every single one of his girlfriends yet somehow, I’m always still there in the picture. When he was in the hospital because his lung collapsed, he called me and begged me to go see him, which of course I did. (I was hysterical btw). I also ran into his at the moment girlfriend and it was super awkward. Sigh. Anyways, we have this sort of connection (although a lot of you would say it’s not a connection) and I’ve always felt attached to him. We could not talk for months but then when we would again, it’s as though nothing ever happened. He was my first love, my first kiss and will always have a special place in my heart.

We used to keep our flirting to just flirting, although I guess many (as would i) would consider what we did emotional cheating. He would text me, call me occasionally, and cam me online. Send me kisses; tell me all sorts of things he should not be saying to anyone other than his girlfriend. I know it’s wrong, and I would tell him. Often. But it somehow didn’t really matter to him, and I could never turn him away.

This summer, on our anniversary actually (yes, I retardedly celebrate it alone every year) he randomly messaged me saying he was coming to see me. It was one in the morning, and I knew I should have said no but I didn’t. God he is so beautiful.

We drove around and then parked in the parking lot of an arena and just kinda talked for an hour. Then the flirting and innuendo began, and he kept trying to kiss my neck or caress me. He has a girlfriend, who he’s been with for over a year. I’m not stupid, he’s probably cheated on her many times before but this is the one thing that I’m very against, especially considering I know just how badly it hurts. But when I look into his eyes, I just can’t say no. To anything he asks of me.

We ended up in the back of his car (oh no) and had sex. Kind of. He stopped like, one eight into it because according to him, we had been talking about this moment for ever and he doesn’t want our first time together to be in a car. Which, I guess is kind of cute if you don’t consider the fact that a) he has a gf b) he already started and hel-lo I would like him to finish c) he has a gf. Did I mention he has a gf? I was pretty grumpy afterwards and felt super guilty, as I should. God! This is the only reason why I would call anyone a slut. So yeah, I’m a slut.

Oh and I forgot to mention that when he drove me home he told me to call him, and I said he could call me. Which he didn’t, in case you were wondering. Yeah.