The History Behind The Ex

I got a call from the ex Saturday night. Well, I guess you could say Sunday morning since it was 3 am. I don’t think I ever really explained the situation with The Ex. I met him when I was 15; a little while after The Player came and broke my heart. He knew about me since he went to high school with The Player and my cousin Loud Mouth. I had pressed forward all on an email I had received and he added me on msn. We spoke for about six to eight months, on msn, through e-mails and on the phone before we actually met. We started dating not long after.

I was pretty messed up mentally from The Player and had a lot of trust issues. The Ex and I dated from early secondary 4 until the end of secondary 5 on and off. We fought, a lot, mostly about stupidities. I guess it was partially my fault for not trusting him but he always seemed to push things too far. He would “jokingly” ask these two girls to make out, would write letters in class to other girls, etc. It drove me nuts! So yeah, that’s pretty much the main reasons why we kept breaking up but I was so in love with him that I would always go back (dumb- I know). It took a toll on him too because deep down I know he was really in love with me and each break up hurt him a lot. Anyways, our final and last breakup was right before Prom, because of The Slut.

URG! I absolutely hate her. With a passion. She knew I wasn’t having sex with The Ex so she would talk about her sex life all the time. She wrote him letters, showed up at his house, the works. Did I mention that she had a boyfriend? When he offered her gum, she said that she wanted his and tried to take it. Using her mouth. He went over once to pick up math notes, which she had to get in her room but he could follow her, she said. And then, she changed in front of him. Okay, I know he’s partially to blame but I fucken hate her :)

So I got this e-mail which is kind of like a survey you fill out to test your sex appeal. You answer all the questions and then, surprise! They all get sent to the person who e-mailed you the test. I sent the quiz to The Ex and he e-mailed me back saying he was just kidding when he said he cheated on his girlfriend and that it says at the bottom that your answers will be sent to the person who e-mailed you.

I, of course, went mental. Boys out there: joking about cheating on your girlfriend is not funny. Anyways, I assumed that he cheated on me with The Slut and we broke up, permanently. I don’t really believe he did (now) but it hurt so much and I really felt like I couldn’t trust him anymore. God did it hurt a lot.

So, that was the story of our dating relationship. Things just got even more complicated afterwards. In October (about two years ago now), at The Innocent One’s birthday, we randomly bumped into each other. We had been talking on the phone, but seeing him face to face was completely different. I literally could not stop myself from touching him, hugging him. We ended up making out.

It was from that point up until last Christmas that the using began. I was so in love with him and I wanted to be with him so badly. We had sex for the first time (biggest mistake) and everything got so tangled up afterwards. I guess subconsciously I thought that if I did sleep with him, then we would have a special connection and he would realize how much he used to and still loves me. I’m very stupid sometimes. He didn’t call me the next day, and when he finally did he was talking about other girls. He would tell me that he loved me so much and all sorts of crap one day then call me to talk about another girl the next. Yeah. He would also tell me about all the girls he made out with or had a crush on etc. Then he would sleep with me after declaring his love for me and me alone. I was pretty dumb and naïve for always falling for it and allowing him to treat me that way. I tried many times to just be friends or to not talk whatsoever. The Football Player was really sweet to me at that time; he would listen to me bitch and cry and always knew exactly what to say. I guess that’s when I started to fall in love with him. After a year of torture, I finally broke things off completely (sexually anyways) with The Ex.

We spoke on and off for the next couple of months. It was our thing- going through these cycles. Friends-dating-loves-not talking and it would restart. When we did talk we would end up fighting over stupidities: old fights when we dated, he would get angry/jealous if I spoke about other guys and I wouldn’t want to hear about his excavates with the million girls he knew. It was really hard being friends with him.

I called him once, really upset because of Family Drama and he was so cold and non supportive. In fact, I think he just yelled at me because I was crying so much I couldn’t really talk. Later on I wrote him an e-mail basically telling him how everything he’s done still hurts me and I don’t want to be friends with him.

About two to three weeks ago I was coming back from seeing The Innocent One and I was driving by The Ex’s house. I was upset (I don’t remember why now). God knows what compelled me but I called him and asked him to come outside.

I know. If I didn’t want to be friends with him, which I very clearly stated multiple times in the email and telephone calls then I should not expect him to comfort me when I was upset and I should most definitely not show up at his house at 12 am. The thing is, we have this relationship where no matter what we can still count on each other when we need to (or at least, we used to). He’s called or message before when he was upset, sometimes right after we fought and I swore to never talk to him again, and I was always there for him.

I have never seen him look at me the way he looked at me. Once again, he knew I was upset and just yelled. It was really bad. I don’t know what I expected, it’s not like he’s been there for me before, yet somehow I thought that this time would be different. It wasn’t. We haven’t spoken since.