I hate him :)
Is there a particular reason why guys like to play The Game? I hate The Game. What is the point of playing with someone's head, like really? There are plenty of girls (especially in this millenium) that are more than willing to be fuck friends. Friends with benefits. Wham bam thank you mam. Why, oh why, do you losers feel the need to devote your time and attention into an almost relationship only to leave RANDOMLY after you get whatever it is you wanted? Ummmmmm?
I used to be awesome at The Game. No honestly, I was like, The Queen. Maybe I have bad Karma and God is punishing me, although to be fair, I never ever intentionally hurt anyone. In fact, I was so good at The Game that I got them to fall for me like that *snaps fingers* but managed to not send them signals that would get their hopes up. That's how good I was.
And them somewhere, along the years of stupid awful high school, I managed to actually fall in love. Which, by the way, is awful. I won't bore you with the details of The Ex, but it was bad. So I got pretty fucked up from there on. Well, to be fair, I was probably a little bit cracked before The Ex came along, but he just broke me.
So when I started college I met The Football Player. Who, by the way ladies, is a gorgeous 6'5 (well, apparently now he's 6'6 but whateverrrrrrrr how do boys grow STILL?) charismatic and funny guy. So The Football Player went to high school with The Ex, and of course, (because it was High School after all), knows all about me. He introduces himself and we kind hit it off from there. We started seeing each other (i guess?) for most of first semester. Until, he suddenly stops calling me. Yup ladies, the sudden disappearence act. Which, I was very hurt by but at the time The Ex came back into my life so I threw myself into that (big mistake). The Football Player came back into my life 2nd semester/ish when I was having problems with The Ex (long story). His explanation? Apparentlyyyyy he heard that I said he gave me an std from oral sex. Which, btw, so not true. Like, for starters, if it HAD been true, would I really go around broadcasting this? No. Especially since nobody knew we were fooling around. And then, if this was said about you, would you not confront the person? Especially since its not true? Was I not good enough to confront? You know, the whole, don't bother there not worth it bla bla crap that nobody ever really listens to when they still care. But this is insulting towards him seeing as, you know, its not true. And why is he suddenly talking to me again? Anywaysssssss I fell for his excuse (I swear, I did get accepted to McGill, I'm not a complete morron). I stopped talking to one of my close friends because of this (she apparently started the rumor).
Summer comes along and we somewhat talk, but it's still awkward cuz we had stopped talking for such a long period. Then 3rd semester starts and we kept seeing each other cuz our schedules were perfectly in sync and it was like nothing ever happened. The Football Player keeps hitting on me and trying to hook up but I was still hurt by the sudden abandonment (i have those issues) and I didn't want to get hurt. Now, as I type this, I realize it's pretty stupid because it was as if we were dating without the title. We spoke every single day (literally), hung out together in school and we're really close. In fact, most people assumed I was his girlfriend. In December, when he went to visit his mom in Calgary, he called me. Everyday.
So the last semester starts and I'm totally into The Football Player but I'm dumb and I refuse to think that maybe he won't hurt me. See, The Football Player totally gets me, inside and out. I'll say one thing, but he knows I mean another. And he knows how to treat me when I'm sad/angry/whatever and always always always knows what to say to make me feel better. He was 100% there for me when The Ex was using me and he would listen to me cry on the phone and not get mad if I just wanted to cry and not talk but still have him there. He was compassionate, and understanding and really gentle with me. Did I also mention totally funny and adorable too? Yeah I don't know why I fucked this up. See, The Football Player has all these amazing qualities that, well, every girl in the entire Cegep has noticed. He's super popular and I didn't particularly feel like participating in a competition. Then there's the whole, he's black he'll cheat on you thing that some retard at my work decided to tell me constantly. Which made me super paranoid.
The Football Player and I went through this whole back and forth game, which I guess can be my fault too. I'll take responsibility but you know, I was scared. And I've been hurt REALLY badly in the past. Yes yes I know, it's not an excuse, but it's kind of an explanation. Anyways we made plans on Valentine's Day- I would make him breakfast and then we would go to the metro together, him to school me to the doctor (regular check up). He came over and I was sooooooooo nervous! Shaking jittering nervous. My chocolate chip pancakes came out o-kay and we went upstairs to my bedroom afterwards (he took control and wanted to go there.. umm wonder why). We slid into bed and cuddled. For 2 hours. Yes boys, he had me in bed and cuddled me for 2 hours! It was the cutest, most loving experience I've ever had. To just lie in his arms, having him rub my back and just kinda breathing near me. I can't even describe the feeling of complete and utter comfortableness and tenderness and wow. So we had sex. Twice :)
We walked to the bus stop to go to the metro where he ran into his friend (a chick) and 1- didn't introduce me 2- said he was visiting a "friend" <- who he just has sex with. Yeah. Not feeling so great anymore. Oh but it gets worse. We get on the bus and he turns on his MP3 or whatever music thing on. Yeah. Completly and totally ignores me. Cuz I definitely don't feel vulnerable and hurt at all now! When we get off the bus he pecks me on the cheek and tells me he'll call me.
Okay so, I could be reading into it more than I should. I just feel very vulnerable. Did he call? No. Oh and by the way, we had plans on that same Friday (2 days after Vday) that he never called to cancel but forgot. Yeah. He called me about a week later where I decided to play cool and tell him I was busy. And then we stopped talking for a month. A month.
Apparently I'm crazy for feeling hurt and used and betrayed. Because, I'm not his girlfriend and he doesn't have to call me everyday and I expect too much of him. Despite the fact that he's been calling me everyday for almost a year even when he's out of town. Yeah. He feels that he shouldn't always have to chase me and he also felt that the time to really show me that would be right after we have sex for the first time when I'm terrified to trust him and have been used in the past. He's smart eh my football player. Genius.
Anyways this story is pretty long and was just the prelude to what happened recently. I'll continue tomorrow!
Is there a particular reason why guys like to play The Game? I hate The Game. What is the point of playing with someone's head, like really? There are plenty of girls (especially in this millenium) that are more than willing to be fuck friends. Friends with benefits. Wham bam thank you mam. Why, oh why, do you losers feel the need to devote your time and attention into an almost relationship only to leave RANDOMLY after you get whatever it is you wanted? Ummmmmm?
I used to be awesome at The Game. No honestly, I was like, The Queen. Maybe I have bad Karma and God is punishing me, although to be fair, I never ever intentionally hurt anyone. In fact, I was so good at The Game that I got them to fall for me like that *snaps fingers* but managed to not send them signals that would get their hopes up. That's how good I was.
And them somewhere, along the years of stupid awful high school, I managed to actually fall in love. Which, by the way, is awful. I won't bore you with the details of The Ex, but it was bad. So I got pretty fucked up from there on. Well, to be fair, I was probably a little bit cracked before The Ex came along, but he just broke me.
So when I started college I met The Football Player. Who, by the way ladies, is a gorgeous 6'5 (well, apparently now he's 6'6 but whateverrrrrrrr how do boys grow STILL?) charismatic and funny guy. So The Football Player went to high school with The Ex, and of course, (because it was High School after all), knows all about me. He introduces himself and we kind hit it off from there. We started seeing each other (i guess?) for most of first semester. Until, he suddenly stops calling me. Yup ladies, the sudden disappearence act. Which, I was very hurt by but at the time The Ex came back into my life so I threw myself into that (big mistake). The Football Player came back into my life 2nd semester/ish when I was having problems with The Ex (long story). His explanation? Apparentlyyyyy he heard that I said he gave me an std from oral sex. Which, btw, so not true. Like, for starters, if it HAD been true, would I really go around broadcasting this? No. Especially since nobody knew we were fooling around. And then, if this was said about you, would you not confront the person? Especially since its not true? Was I not good enough to confront? You know, the whole, don't bother there not worth it bla bla crap that nobody ever really listens to when they still care. But this is insulting towards him seeing as, you know, its not true. And why is he suddenly talking to me again? Anywaysssssss I fell for his excuse (I swear, I did get accepted to McGill, I'm not a complete morron). I stopped talking to one of my close friends because of this (she apparently started the rumor).
Summer comes along and we somewhat talk, but it's still awkward cuz we had stopped talking for such a long period. Then 3rd semester starts and we kept seeing each other cuz our schedules were perfectly in sync and it was like nothing ever happened. The Football Player keeps hitting on me and trying to hook up but I was still hurt by the sudden abandonment (i have those issues) and I didn't want to get hurt. Now, as I type this, I realize it's pretty stupid because it was as if we were dating without the title. We spoke every single day (literally), hung out together in school and we're really close. In fact, most people assumed I was his girlfriend. In December, when he went to visit his mom in Calgary, he called me. Everyday.
So the last semester starts and I'm totally into The Football Player but I'm dumb and I refuse to think that maybe he won't hurt me. See, The Football Player totally gets me, inside and out. I'll say one thing, but he knows I mean another. And he knows how to treat me when I'm sad/angry/whatever and always always always knows what to say to make me feel better. He was 100% there for me when The Ex was using me and he would listen to me cry on the phone and not get mad if I just wanted to cry and not talk but still have him there. He was compassionate, and understanding and really gentle with me. Did I also mention totally funny and adorable too? Yeah I don't know why I fucked this up. See, The Football Player has all these amazing qualities that, well, every girl in the entire Cegep has noticed. He's super popular and I didn't particularly feel like participating in a competition. Then there's the whole, he's black he'll cheat on you thing that some retard at my work decided to tell me constantly. Which made me super paranoid.
The Football Player and I went through this whole back and forth game, which I guess can be my fault too. I'll take responsibility but you know, I was scared. And I've been hurt REALLY badly in the past. Yes yes I know, it's not an excuse, but it's kind of an explanation. Anyways we made plans on Valentine's Day- I would make him breakfast and then we would go to the metro together, him to school me to the doctor (regular check up). He came over and I was sooooooooo nervous! Shaking jittering nervous. My chocolate chip pancakes came out o-kay and we went upstairs to my bedroom afterwards (he took control and wanted to go there.. umm wonder why). We slid into bed and cuddled. For 2 hours. Yes boys, he had me in bed and cuddled me for 2 hours! It was the cutest, most loving experience I've ever had. To just lie in his arms, having him rub my back and just kinda breathing near me. I can't even describe the feeling of complete and utter comfortableness and tenderness and wow. So we had sex. Twice :)
We walked to the bus stop to go to the metro where he ran into his friend (a chick) and 1- didn't introduce me 2- said he was visiting a "friend" <- who he just has sex with. Yeah. Not feeling so great anymore. Oh but it gets worse. We get on the bus and he turns on his MP3 or whatever music thing on. Yeah. Completly and totally ignores me. Cuz I definitely don't feel vulnerable and hurt at all now! When we get off the bus he pecks me on the cheek and tells me he'll call me.
Okay so, I could be reading into it more than I should. I just feel very vulnerable. Did he call? No. Oh and by the way, we had plans on that same Friday (2 days after Vday) that he never called to cancel but forgot. Yeah. He called me about a week later where I decided to play cool and tell him I was busy. And then we stopped talking for a month. A month.
Apparently I'm crazy for feeling hurt and used and betrayed. Because, I'm not his girlfriend and he doesn't have to call me everyday and I expect too much of him. Despite the fact that he's been calling me everyday for almost a year even when he's out of town. Yeah. He feels that he shouldn't always have to chase me and he also felt that the time to really show me that would be right after we have sex for the first time when I'm terrified to trust him and have been used in the past. He's smart eh my football player. Genius.
Anyways this story is pretty long and was just the prelude to what happened recently. I'll continue tomorrow!
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