Yesterday I went to go speak to my old supervisor about getting a raise before I start at the Le Chateau downtown next week. I'm the number one sales girl since the store opened, always make my daily objectives and deserve a rasie. I've been with the company for two and a half years, no raise. Two weeks ago, I found out that The Co-Worker asked for a raise and got it, no problem. I was so pissed!! First of all, this is not the first time I ask for a raise. I asked for one last november, to which my manager agreed that I deserved one and would definitely fix things for me. Two months later, I asked her what was going on and she told me that since we were going on commission, she couldn't give us raises. Since our store is like, a 3rd class store compared to the other Le Chateau's, our commission doesn't really make a difference. Most of the time, we're paid our regular salary. I wasn't going to bother since I'm being transfered downtown and I'll definitely make commission, but when I found out she got a raise I was so outraged. I felt so underappreciated and undervalued. She barely works. She'll walk in, do nothing for an hour (she's supposed to be cleaning). Then she'll go smoke outside and talk on the phone or to whoever's working. When The Sweet One walks in she'll go for another smoke, or go shopping around. Her lunch break is always paid since she never punchs out ever. She claims she's only going to take 15 minutes, which always turns into a half hour. It's really frustrating! And she feels that she deserves priority because she's been here the longest (she started two weeks before I did). URG.
So I scheduled an appointment with my supervisor and went to go see him yesterday. I should probably mention that I'm really awkward with anything relating to money. Talking about money, asking for money, anything to do with money makes me really embarassed and awkward. I walked in and I saw The Sweet One. I was so excited to see her! She was super dark from her week in Cuba and I gave her the biggest hug. I know that The Co Worker is talking shit about me, and The Sweet One probably hears and doesn't say anything, but I can't be mad at her. I don't know why.
The Co Worker saw me and came running torwards me with a huge smile on her face. While they were on vacation, one of our co-workers asked me if things were better between us (I had told her that things were weird between us). I told her no and then she told me that she knew because The Co Worker told her. The Co Worker went and told her that I was a hypocrite, and I was also talking shit about the girl. Honestly, that made me so angry!!! It was really the last straw. This girl is seriously stuck in high school and needs to grow up. The worst part is, I never ever have spoken anything bad against this co-worker, in fact, I just defended her agaisnt our new manager AND saved her job. So ha! She didn't believe The Co Worker and told me anyways :) The Co-Worker is so god damn fake! I felt very powerful though, because she doesn't know that I know. Ha! When she went to hug me I just politely gave her two kisses and continued to talk to The Sweet One. I'm not going to be rude with her, but I'm certainly not going to go out of my way to be nice to her. I even planned what I was going to say to her if ever she asked me what was up.
The Co-Worker: what's wrong with you?
Me: I know what you've been saying about me. If you had a problem with me, I would have appreciated if you had the nerve to say it to my face rather than talking shit behind my back, but I guess that just shows what type of person you are.
The Co-Worker: attempts to say something but I interrupt
Me: I'm not going to argue with you because it's not worth it- you're not worth it. You're basically a mean and controlling person and the second someone doesn't do what you think is right, you switch into this backstabbing two faced person that I don't want to know. I'm not participating in your high school drama anymore.
Yeah, I've practiced this. I'm a dork. She just makes me so angry!! But I know she's not worth it, and I don't want to give her the satisfaction of a fight. There are so many things that I can yell at her for or argue with her about, but then she wins. She's not worth it and yeah, it hurts but whatever at least I know now.
I went in the back to talk to the supervisor. He was so weird; cold and distant. He's never really been our best friend, we barely work with him but it was so strange. He said that he was going to review my papers and fix it for me, and I know I'm going to get the raise. I just wish that he would have appreciated all the hard work I've done for the company. I shouldn't have to ask- it's been two and a half years they should offer us a raise. Especially since I'm number one sales girl, I mean last week I sold more than half of what the entire store sold. He didn't even comment on it or anything. Whatever- I;m really glad to be leaving. I'm excited to get away from the high school drama that The Co Worker created, start a new, fresh job with new people who hopefully won't have the mentality of a twelve year old.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
If It's After 12, It's Bedtime
Oh, I'm so bad.
So very, very, deliciously bad.
So, remember when I said I wanted to call The Jew, just to talk or what not? God, I hate when I have those urges. I didn't have to since he beat me to the punch. Saturday night (my first offical day of VACATION) I passed out in front of the TV while my phone charged upstairs. How very cool of me, I know. When I went upstairs I saw that I had two missed calls, a voicemail AND a text message from The Jew asking what I was doing that night. This is the second week in a row he's asking to do something with me (I'm assuming). I messaged him the next day apologizing saying I had left my cell at home when I went out. What? I have to keep up appearances, no?
He asked me if I wanted to go see him at the bar, but my mom is doing the Walk for Breast Cancer and I was going down to support her. I wouldn't have went either way. He worked all day while I was at the fundraiser but he called me and messaged me all day. I went to bed but he called me every hour while he was at a friend's party. When he got home, he called em and asked me if he could come see me and I stupidely said yes.
Okay so, I don't know why I said yes. I don't particularly have feelings for him, in fact, I'm still angry about our previous situation and I haven't let any of it out. I guess I just miss him. Or, rather, I miss the attention of a guy. I miss being cuddled and flirting and having fun. The Player hasn't called me since our Monday hook up and I'm feeling kinda down about that.
I snuck out of the house at 2 and we just drove around for about an hour. What a waste of gas! We talked for a long time about nothing and everything, important and silly stuff. It's funny because sometimes we'll find ourselves talking about serious, personal stuff but it feels so comfortable that we both don't even realize it. We, being mostly him. He tells me a lot of stuff that nobody knows. And before you cynics out there say it's just a ploy, I know it's not. I can't explain it, but I know it's not.
We drove past my church (ha ha) and in front is a huge, beautiful water fountain. He wanted to go get a closer look so we parked and kinda walked around it fifty times. Sounds corny, but it was actually pretty cute. He always makes me laugh, and we were goofing around like crazy. It was pretty romantic, with the sound of the water flowing, the soft lights and the cool breeze. We had this moment where he jokingly pushed me and we ended up really really close. He looked at me this way that always makes me melt and brushed his hands agaisnt mine before I looked away and blushed. It was getting pretty cold so we decided to leave.
We ended up parking behind this old folks home, hidden behind trees and this old patch of weeds. He has long, dark curls and when he took down his pony tail he asked if I could play with his hair. Mistake numero two. We turned off the music and I just ran my fingers through his hair, back and forth, playing with the little curls and pushing them out of his face. When I started to get more aggressive, being more forceful and massaging his scalp, it's as though the entire mood shifted. God knows why but I was so turned on in that moment. We were barely talking, and when we did it was in whispers between deep breaths. Out of complete nowehere he just got up, grabbed my face and kissed me. God, I can still feel the passion now as I write it. I love kissing him!!! We made out heavily for awhile until I heard something and got a little freaked out. We decided to leave that parking lot and drove around some more. The Jew was really turned on and just wanted to find another quiet spot for us to be alone.
We ended up driving past this parc not far from my house. On the side of the street there's an opening to a forest. He dared me to go in, half jokingly, and then we did! It was pretty thrilling. When we walked in, he held my hand and squeezed it tight, how cute! That's when the crazy makeout began. It was so crazy! There we were, in this wild deserted forest, at four in the morning waiting to be caught. Let me tell you, it was so hot.
He wanted to have sex and I said no. Many times, since, well, he asked many times. I felt bad for him because I could tell that I was driving him crazy. Now, I wanted to have sex with him, really badly. Especially considering that I haven't had sex for almost two months but something kept stopping me. I just, I didn't want to be that girl anymore, you know? The one who gets the late booty call and nothing else. I'm really, incredibly tired of being that girl. I guess I should have probably said no then when he asked to see me at two in the morning. Or I should have said no when he kissed me, but I'm lonely. Sometimes it just feels good to have any contact.
I figure innocent kissing is not that bad. Sex just complicated things so much! I can't stop myself from getting attatched to people and I don't really want to go down that road again. I was actually rather proud that I resisted so strongly. When he drove me home, he knew that something was wrong and that there was a reason behind me saying no but I didn't really want to get into it. What am I supposed to say? Oh hey insertname, I've fallen for you twice before and it seems that I'm always only good enough for sex. So, sorry now you're not getting any but if you wanna kiss it's fine? The thing is, he doesn't even realize that I had feelings for him before. Guys are so stupid! After New Years, when we hooked up the second time in April/May, I told him that I had liked him before and he was shocked. Then when we hooked up again, I naively thought he would know that yes, I have feelings for you again! When we were together that time too, he would hold my hand and act like we were more than just fuck friends, so I don't get it.
Anyways, I said no and he drove me home not long after. He was pretty cute about it. He parked a little farther away from my house and said he still wanted to talk before he let me go. I thought he would be mad, which I guess he was frustrated sexually, but he handled it good. I snuck back inside and waited for him to message me that he was home.
I forgot to mention that a really weird thing happened while I was in the forest with The Jew. I haven't spoken or heard from The Football Player in ages, and after my moment of carification I really feel like my eyes finally opened and I saw the larger picture. I barely think of him or miss him and I think I can say that I moved on, completly. I hadn't thought about him for ages until that moment in the forest when I was making out with The Jew. For some reason he just poped into my head. I just had this like moment where I could remember exactly how it felt to kiss his lips, and to have his arms around me. That thought, or sensation, went as quickly as it came. Strange no?
I've come to the conclusion that if it's after 12, I should go to bed. LOL.
So very, very, deliciously bad.
So, remember when I said I wanted to call The Jew, just to talk or what not? God, I hate when I have those urges. I didn't have to since he beat me to the punch. Saturday night (my first offical day of VACATION) I passed out in front of the TV while my phone charged upstairs. How very cool of me, I know. When I went upstairs I saw that I had two missed calls, a voicemail AND a text message from The Jew asking what I was doing that night. This is the second week in a row he's asking to do something with me (I'm assuming). I messaged him the next day apologizing saying I had left my cell at home when I went out. What? I have to keep up appearances, no?
He asked me if I wanted to go see him at the bar, but my mom is doing the Walk for Breast Cancer and I was going down to support her. I wouldn't have went either way. He worked all day while I was at the fundraiser but he called me and messaged me all day. I went to bed but he called me every hour while he was at a friend's party. When he got home, he called em and asked me if he could come see me and I stupidely said yes.
Okay so, I don't know why I said yes. I don't particularly have feelings for him, in fact, I'm still angry about our previous situation and I haven't let any of it out. I guess I just miss him. Or, rather, I miss the attention of a guy. I miss being cuddled and flirting and having fun. The Player hasn't called me since our Monday hook up and I'm feeling kinda down about that.
I snuck out of the house at 2 and we just drove around for about an hour. What a waste of gas! We talked for a long time about nothing and everything, important and silly stuff. It's funny because sometimes we'll find ourselves talking about serious, personal stuff but it feels so comfortable that we both don't even realize it. We, being mostly him. He tells me a lot of stuff that nobody knows. And before you cynics out there say it's just a ploy, I know it's not. I can't explain it, but I know it's not.
We drove past my church (ha ha) and in front is a huge, beautiful water fountain. He wanted to go get a closer look so we parked and kinda walked around it fifty times. Sounds corny, but it was actually pretty cute. He always makes me laugh, and we were goofing around like crazy. It was pretty romantic, with the sound of the water flowing, the soft lights and the cool breeze. We had this moment where he jokingly pushed me and we ended up really really close. He looked at me this way that always makes me melt and brushed his hands agaisnt mine before I looked away and blushed. It was getting pretty cold so we decided to leave.
We ended up parking behind this old folks home, hidden behind trees and this old patch of weeds. He has long, dark curls and when he took down his pony tail he asked if I could play with his hair. Mistake numero two. We turned off the music and I just ran my fingers through his hair, back and forth, playing with the little curls and pushing them out of his face. When I started to get more aggressive, being more forceful and massaging his scalp, it's as though the entire mood shifted. God knows why but I was so turned on in that moment. We were barely talking, and when we did it was in whispers between deep breaths. Out of complete nowehere he just got up, grabbed my face and kissed me. God, I can still feel the passion now as I write it. I love kissing him!!! We made out heavily for awhile until I heard something and got a little freaked out. We decided to leave that parking lot and drove around some more. The Jew was really turned on and just wanted to find another quiet spot for us to be alone.
We ended up driving past this parc not far from my house. On the side of the street there's an opening to a forest. He dared me to go in, half jokingly, and then we did! It was pretty thrilling. When we walked in, he held my hand and squeezed it tight, how cute! That's when the crazy makeout began. It was so crazy! There we were, in this wild deserted forest, at four in the morning waiting to be caught. Let me tell you, it was so hot.
He wanted to have sex and I said no. Many times, since, well, he asked many times. I felt bad for him because I could tell that I was driving him crazy. Now, I wanted to have sex with him, really badly. Especially considering that I haven't had sex for almost two months but something kept stopping me. I just, I didn't want to be that girl anymore, you know? The one who gets the late booty call and nothing else. I'm really, incredibly tired of being that girl. I guess I should have probably said no then when he asked to see me at two in the morning. Or I should have said no when he kissed me, but I'm lonely. Sometimes it just feels good to have any contact.
I figure innocent kissing is not that bad. Sex just complicated things so much! I can't stop myself from getting attatched to people and I don't really want to go down that road again. I was actually rather proud that I resisted so strongly. When he drove me home, he knew that something was wrong and that there was a reason behind me saying no but I didn't really want to get into it. What am I supposed to say? Oh hey insertname, I've fallen for you twice before and it seems that I'm always only good enough for sex. So, sorry now you're not getting any but if you wanna kiss it's fine? The thing is, he doesn't even realize that I had feelings for him before. Guys are so stupid! After New Years, when we hooked up the second time in April/May, I told him that I had liked him before and he was shocked. Then when we hooked up again, I naively thought he would know that yes, I have feelings for you again! When we were together that time too, he would hold my hand and act like we were more than just fuck friends, so I don't get it.
Anyways, I said no and he drove me home not long after. He was pretty cute about it. He parked a little farther away from my house and said he still wanted to talk before he let me go. I thought he would be mad, which I guess he was frustrated sexually, but he handled it good. I snuck back inside and waited for him to message me that he was home.
I forgot to mention that a really weird thing happened while I was in the forest with The Jew. I haven't spoken or heard from The Football Player in ages, and after my moment of carification I really feel like my eyes finally opened and I saw the larger picture. I barely think of him or miss him and I think I can say that I moved on, completly. I hadn't thought about him for ages until that moment in the forest when I was making out with The Jew. For some reason he just poped into my head. I just had this like moment where I could remember exactly how it felt to kiss his lips, and to have his arms around me. That thought, or sensation, went as quickly as it came. Strange no?
I've come to the conclusion that if it's after 12, I should go to bed. LOL.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Something in The Air?
I'm almost done working at The Law Firm! I'm really excited because then I have a week vacation, but I'm a little sad because I was just getting to know some of the people. I even got used to the phones!
Since I'm a serial shopper and suffering from a severe case of shopping addiction, I had bought myself a new work wardrobe. High waisted pants (3), brown pants (2) and a couple of blouses. To be fair, I had to look professional didn't I? Since I work at Le Chateau, I bought everything there and got it half off, plus I can wear these outfits to work so I'm getting my bang for my buck. (Yes, I'm trying to convince and justify my shopping). Anyways, I do love fashion and I have a pretty good sense of style. At The Law Firm, I always get compliments from both the lawyers/secretaries and the clients that come in. Dressing well really makes it easier for you to interact with others; it's sad but true. I guess that's partially one of the main reason's I'm so addicted to shopping; I know that people constantly judge me based on my apparence and I want to make a good impression. Yes, I know, they should like me for me but we all know that's not going to happen.
Anyways I happen to have a very soft and young sounding voice. I'll get either the "you sound like you're 5 comment" or the "you should work at an 1800- number". Guys- this is not a compliment! One of the lawyer's clients keeps calling me just to hear my voice. It's totally creepy! At first I would just kind of giggle and try to rush him off the phone, but lately he's been calling in the morning saying stupidities like, ohhh you're beautiful voice! I just can't stand it it gives me goosebumps! You always start off my morning so wonderfully.. blah blah. It would be relatively cute if he wasn't some 40 something year old with a thick heavy accent. Besides, I'm at work and although I have mastered the telephone by now, I can't stay on for too long since I get about 50 other calls per minute!
He had a meeting with his lawyer and showed up while I was out to lunch...with flowers!!!! Thank god I wasn't there! He left while I was at my desk though (my lunch was over) and oh my god.. The look he gave me was so terrifying! The phone rang right when he was walking out the door and I had to answer so he heard my voice. At the sound of it, he turned slowly and this creepy eerie smile spread over his face. It was like those killers in horror movies, when they finally find their prey right as they were about to give up. Totally freaked me out. My aunt came to the rescue though and I hid in the back.
He came back with more flowers!!! God I was so thankful when he finally left!
A lot of callers (clients) have told either my aunt or The Blonde Bombshell that it's too bad I'm not the real secretary or I should have this job. It's so flattering!! Even the regular people that come in and out of the office to see The Boss have said it, one even shook my hand saying it was such a pleasure to meet me. Ha! Another lawyer here today said I should stay and I didn't have to go school (yeah right). I feel so touched, but kinda bad for The Vacation Diva, since it is her job after all.
A couple more hours and then finished!!! I have to go to work at Le Chateau tonight which means it's a 9-9 day, but it's okies. More money for me! (which means, more shopping). By the way, The Player hasn't called or messaged me or anything since we last saw each other. He sucks. I suck. Urg.
I was thinking of maybe messaging The Jew, or calling him this weekend. Not to hang out or anything, just to talk. He starts school on Monday and I figured I'll wish him luck or whatever. It's a bad idea right? I probably shouldn't even bother getting involved in that whole drama again but I feel bad since he called me twice and I never returned his calls. What to do?
Since I'm a serial shopper and suffering from a severe case of shopping addiction, I had bought myself a new work wardrobe. High waisted pants (3), brown pants (2) and a couple of blouses. To be fair, I had to look professional didn't I? Since I work at Le Chateau, I bought everything there and got it half off, plus I can wear these outfits to work so I'm getting my bang for my buck. (Yes, I'm trying to convince and justify my shopping). Anyways, I do love fashion and I have a pretty good sense of style. At The Law Firm, I always get compliments from both the lawyers/secretaries and the clients that come in. Dressing well really makes it easier for you to interact with others; it's sad but true. I guess that's partially one of the main reason's I'm so addicted to shopping; I know that people constantly judge me based on my apparence and I want to make a good impression. Yes, I know, they should like me for me but we all know that's not going to happen.
Anyways I happen to have a very soft and young sounding voice. I'll get either the "you sound like you're 5 comment" or the "you should work at an 1800- number". Guys- this is not a compliment! One of the lawyer's clients keeps calling me just to hear my voice. It's totally creepy! At first I would just kind of giggle and try to rush him off the phone, but lately he's been calling in the morning saying stupidities like, ohhh you're beautiful voice! I just can't stand it it gives me goosebumps! You always start off my morning so wonderfully.. blah blah. It would be relatively cute if he wasn't some 40 something year old with a thick heavy accent. Besides, I'm at work and although I have mastered the telephone by now, I can't stay on for too long since I get about 50 other calls per minute!
He had a meeting with his lawyer and showed up while I was out to lunch...with flowers!!!! Thank god I wasn't there! He left while I was at my desk though (my lunch was over) and oh my god.. The look he gave me was so terrifying! The phone rang right when he was walking out the door and I had to answer so he heard my voice. At the sound of it, he turned slowly and this creepy eerie smile spread over his face. It was like those killers in horror movies, when they finally find their prey right as they were about to give up. Totally freaked me out. My aunt came to the rescue though and I hid in the back.
He came back with more flowers!!! God I was so thankful when he finally left!
A lot of callers (clients) have told either my aunt or The Blonde Bombshell that it's too bad I'm not the real secretary or I should have this job. It's so flattering!! Even the regular people that come in and out of the office to see The Boss have said it, one even shook my hand saying it was such a pleasure to meet me. Ha! Another lawyer here today said I should stay and I didn't have to go school (yeah right). I feel so touched, but kinda bad for The Vacation Diva, since it is her job after all.
A couple more hours and then finished!!! I have to go to work at Le Chateau tonight which means it's a 9-9 day, but it's okies. More money for me! (which means, more shopping). By the way, The Player hasn't called or messaged me or anything since we last saw each other. He sucks. I suck. Urg.
I was thinking of maybe messaging The Jew, or calling him this weekend. Not to hang out or anything, just to talk. He starts school on Monday and I figured I'll wish him luck or whatever. It's a bad idea right? I probably shouldn't even bother getting involved in that whole drama again but I feel bad since he called me twice and I never returned his calls. What to do?
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Not So Strong
I’m still messaging The Player- almost everyday. We were supposed to meet a couple of times but our plans always fell through. I know, it’s so wrong but, well I don’t have an explanation. It’s just wrong- period. I went on his facebook profile and saws that he was tagged in someone’s birthday pictures. There were about three with The Girlfriend. Yeah, I don’t really k now what to say. What did I really expect? I know he has a girlfriend, and obviously they go out to parties and kiss but I never really had to see them together. It was almost like an eye opener, actually looking at them together. I wasn’t about to cry about it though (I used to) and I guess you could say I was sad but I was more disappointed, both in him and myself. I decided to go to the gym in order to focus my energy constructively which is when he decided to text message me. This is what he said:
TP: what’s going on
Me: im at the gym.. u?
TP: nothing im bored
I should probably say that we almost never talk on the phone, always through text messages. Strange, I know. I didn’t feel like wasting text messages on petty conversation plus I was busy so I never answered back. Almost an hour later he messaged me again. It’s funny because I knew he was going to, deep down in my gut. I knew he was going to ask to meet up and I planned this whole speech to give him when he did (I like to be prepared). God, do I love it when I’m right!
TP: wanna meet?
Me: I don’t think that’s a good idea
TP: why?
Me: look I really love being friends with you and I definitely love being uh, intimate with you but I don’t wanna be someones secret cuz im better than that
TP: don’t assume right away ok I also enjoy speaking to you there is a lot of things going on and I wanted to speak to u
Me: okay well obviously u can call me anytime for anything but when were together ur irresistible so if u need something just call or message me
TP: right now I need a hug but clearly youre not here for me
Me: look.. I saw ur pictures on facebook.. u look really happy and I don’t wanna ruin that for u.. im sorry ur upset but if u need to talk u have my number *hug*
TP: I cant believe youre doing this honestly I thought you would be by my side forever whenever I need you. Im so hurt
Me: im not gonna feel guilty for doing whats good for you especially since u still have the option to talk to me on the phone
TP: I don’t do the phone and you know that. Ur being ridiculous
Me: well I already explained myself and hopeful lull realiz im right and not be mad.. im still at the gym I can call you later if not I hope you feel better xox
TP: just call me when ur done and it would be nice if u could pass by for ten minutes
I continued my workout afterwards. I usually stay at the gym until closing which is at ten
o’clock. I was actually planning to call him later on but he messaged me before I got
home to do so.
TP: my hopes are up for nothing eh?
Me: love im not gonna meet u sorry
TP: why.. I need to talk :(
Me: you wont behave and I wont stop you
TP: I will I promise.. its that or I hold this against u forever
Me: you cant and wont hold this against me forever liar
TP: I swear I will and I can hold a grudge trust me.. are u willing to take that chance?
Me: ur just being mean and cruel
TP: pretty please baby ill be a gentleman
Me: im sorry :(
TP: I am honestly angry
I decided to go shower. I was pretty sweaty from my 4 hour workout, tired, and figured I
would just call him afterwards. He messaged me again! I answered after I got out of the
shower.
TP: im so upset:( ill never forgive you
Me: okay im not gonna feel bad for refusing to lower myself to a mistress level or for putting ur best interest first not stop being mean and tell me whats wrong
TP: that’s whats wrong I didn’t want a mistress I just wanted someone to talk with
Me: fine be like that goodnite xox
TP: don’t goodnight me ill be at ur house in 5 minutes
Me: stop okay
TP: no I want to see u
Me: stop!
TP: why!
Me: ive said it a million times
TP: okay goodnight
Me: urg don’t make me regret it.
Yeah, I’m weak. I felt so guilty though! He was being so pitiful and I really know and understand what it’s like to be upset and just want a hug. Besides, I knew I would never be able to forgive myself if something was horribly wrong and I didn’t see him. He said he would behave and, well, I foolishly believed him.
He was at my house in literally five minutes. Thank goodness my hair dries quickly! I decided to be the least seductive and attractive as possible. I wore no makeup, jeans and a wife beater. Okay I lie, I wore a push up bra too but come on! I can’t look like a complete ogre!
I went outside and guess who’s not wearing any clothes? Yeah. Okay so he had shorts on, but that’s pretty much it. Honestly, the scene was just so ridiculous that I started to laugh hysterically. I jokingly slapped him and we drove to the parking lot of my shopping center, which is about two minutes away from my house.
There we are, in a quiet, deserted, dark parking lot with him practically naked in front of me. Did I mention he’s incredibly sexy? His body is delicious and he always, no matter what, smells like Ferrarri Black. Without fail. He has the most adorable face ever with a little button nose and soft lips, and I can never say no to his eyes. His face is so boyish that it’s almost innocent, even when he smirks. When I’m with him he’s just so freaking adorable that I have to stop myself from pinching his cheeks! URG!
The whole behaving plan? Total scam! I got really mad at him because he tricked me into seeing him when I knew it was wrong, and I knew what he wanted all along. My abusive side came out again. He told me that he did want to talk to me but it’s a long conversation that’s why he messaged me at eight (it was eleven). Oh.
To make what could potentially be a very long and drawn out story- we so hooked up. We didn’t actually have sex; we did everything but. I know, I know; I’m so horrible!! I tried incredibly hard to resist him, I said no a couple of times. I even asked him how he didn’t feel guilty! He told me how things weren’t going well with his girlfriend (this was clearly not going to help) and that he didn’t even know if they were going to stay together. That’s apparently what he wanted my advice on. Yes, asking your new whatever I am about your current love life is always a good thing to do. I know that I have no good defense but when he said this I sort of started to picture him as single. Wrong wrong wrong! Sigh. I realize now that I subconsciously think that he’s going to breakup with his girlfriend to be with me, which is how I’m somewhat justifying my behavior to myself. How screwed up am I! It’s not like he’s ever promised me anything (he’s too smart for that), but for some reason I think that that’s what’s going to happen. I’m not even sure if I would even date him! Which, of course, makes things much worse because what is the point of what I’m doing! He would probably cheat on me and I barely even know who he is now. Sure, I know the key traits of his personality, but it’s not like we’re super close anymore. For some reason though, I always feel connected to him, bonded.
While we were together I asked him why he never kisses me. I mean, he kisses my body and my face, but he never kisses my actual lips. It drives me insane. You know in Julia Roberts’ movie where she plays a stripper and never kisses her men because it’s personal? Well that’s what it feels like. It’s as though kissing is too intimate and we’re just fucking. I told him exactly that and he sort of blushed. His explanation? He thinks that kissing my body and face is more arousing so he pays more attention to that. I do believe him, it’s something I can see him thinking but he’s so wrong. Well, now he knows and he kissed me, a lot. It’s so wrong but whenever I think of him it’s like my body physically aches to touch him. I can’t even explain it. When I’m around him it’s impossible for me not to touch him. Granted, I could not make it so sexual but things just lead to another. I’m not making excuses, I have no excuse, I’m just giving an explanation I guess.
So, once again I fooled around with this girl’s boyfriend. I’m a slut! And now, I’m all confused about how I really feel. Oh, and I also now have to give him unbiased advice about his current love life situation. How the hell do I get myself into these situations? Why do I do this!
TP: what’s going on
Me: im at the gym.. u?
TP: nothing im bored
I should probably say that we almost never talk on the phone, always through text messages. Strange, I know. I didn’t feel like wasting text messages on petty conversation plus I was busy so I never answered back. Almost an hour later he messaged me again. It’s funny because I knew he was going to, deep down in my gut. I knew he was going to ask to meet up and I planned this whole speech to give him when he did (I like to be prepared). God, do I love it when I’m right!
TP: wanna meet?
Me: I don’t think that’s a good idea
TP: why?
Me: look I really love being friends with you and I definitely love being uh, intimate with you but I don’t wanna be someones secret cuz im better than that
TP: don’t assume right away ok I also enjoy speaking to you there is a lot of things going on and I wanted to speak to u
Me: okay well obviously u can call me anytime for anything but when were together ur irresistible so if u need something just call or message me
TP: right now I need a hug but clearly youre not here for me
Me: look.. I saw ur pictures on facebook.. u look really happy and I don’t wanna ruin that for u.. im sorry ur upset but if u need to talk u have my number *hug*
TP: I cant believe youre doing this honestly I thought you would be by my side forever whenever I need you. Im so hurt
Me: im not gonna feel guilty for doing whats good for you especially since u still have the option to talk to me on the phone
TP: I don’t do the phone and you know that. Ur being ridiculous
Me: well I already explained myself and hopeful lull realiz im right and not be mad.. im still at the gym I can call you later if not I hope you feel better xox
TP: just call me when ur done and it would be nice if u could pass by for ten minutes
I continued my workout afterwards. I usually stay at the gym until closing which is at ten
o’clock. I was actually planning to call him later on but he messaged me before I got
home to do so.
TP: my hopes are up for nothing eh?
Me: love im not gonna meet u sorry
TP: why.. I need to talk :(
Me: you wont behave and I wont stop you
TP: I will I promise.. its that or I hold this against u forever
Me: you cant and wont hold this against me forever liar
TP: I swear I will and I can hold a grudge trust me.. are u willing to take that chance?
Me: ur just being mean and cruel
TP: pretty please baby ill be a gentleman
Me: im sorry :(
TP: I am honestly angry
I decided to go shower. I was pretty sweaty from my 4 hour workout, tired, and figured I
would just call him afterwards. He messaged me again! I answered after I got out of the
shower.
TP: im so upset:( ill never forgive you
Me: okay im not gonna feel bad for refusing to lower myself to a mistress level or for putting ur best interest first not stop being mean and tell me whats wrong
TP: that’s whats wrong I didn’t want a mistress I just wanted someone to talk with
Me: fine be like that goodnite xox
TP: don’t goodnight me ill be at ur house in 5 minutes
Me: stop okay
TP: no I want to see u
Me: stop!
TP: why!
Me: ive said it a million times
TP: okay goodnight
Me: urg don’t make me regret it.
Yeah, I’m weak. I felt so guilty though! He was being so pitiful and I really know and understand what it’s like to be upset and just want a hug. Besides, I knew I would never be able to forgive myself if something was horribly wrong and I didn’t see him. He said he would behave and, well, I foolishly believed him.
He was at my house in literally five minutes. Thank goodness my hair dries quickly! I decided to be the least seductive and attractive as possible. I wore no makeup, jeans and a wife beater. Okay I lie, I wore a push up bra too but come on! I can’t look like a complete ogre!
I went outside and guess who’s not wearing any clothes? Yeah. Okay so he had shorts on, but that’s pretty much it. Honestly, the scene was just so ridiculous that I started to laugh hysterically. I jokingly slapped him and we drove to the parking lot of my shopping center, which is about two minutes away from my house.
There we are, in a quiet, deserted, dark parking lot with him practically naked in front of me. Did I mention he’s incredibly sexy? His body is delicious and he always, no matter what, smells like Ferrarri Black. Without fail. He has the most adorable face ever with a little button nose and soft lips, and I can never say no to his eyes. His face is so boyish that it’s almost innocent, even when he smirks. When I’m with him he’s just so freaking adorable that I have to stop myself from pinching his cheeks! URG!
The whole behaving plan? Total scam! I got really mad at him because he tricked me into seeing him when I knew it was wrong, and I knew what he wanted all along. My abusive side came out again. He told me that he did want to talk to me but it’s a long conversation that’s why he messaged me at eight (it was eleven). Oh.
To make what could potentially be a very long and drawn out story- we so hooked up. We didn’t actually have sex; we did everything but. I know, I know; I’m so horrible!! I tried incredibly hard to resist him, I said no a couple of times. I even asked him how he didn’t feel guilty! He told me how things weren’t going well with his girlfriend (this was clearly not going to help) and that he didn’t even know if they were going to stay together. That’s apparently what he wanted my advice on. Yes, asking your new whatever I am about your current love life is always a good thing to do. I know that I have no good defense but when he said this I sort of started to picture him as single. Wrong wrong wrong! Sigh. I realize now that I subconsciously think that he’s going to breakup with his girlfriend to be with me, which is how I’m somewhat justifying my behavior to myself. How screwed up am I! It’s not like he’s ever promised me anything (he’s too smart for that), but for some reason I think that that’s what’s going to happen. I’m not even sure if I would even date him! Which, of course, makes things much worse because what is the point of what I’m doing! He would probably cheat on me and I barely even know who he is now. Sure, I know the key traits of his personality, but it’s not like we’re super close anymore. For some reason though, I always feel connected to him, bonded.
While we were together I asked him why he never kisses me. I mean, he kisses my body and my face, but he never kisses my actual lips. It drives me insane. You know in Julia Roberts’ movie where she plays a stripper and never kisses her men because it’s personal? Well that’s what it feels like. It’s as though kissing is too intimate and we’re just fucking. I told him exactly that and he sort of blushed. His explanation? He thinks that kissing my body and face is more arousing so he pays more attention to that. I do believe him, it’s something I can see him thinking but he’s so wrong. Well, now he knows and he kissed me, a lot. It’s so wrong but whenever I think of him it’s like my body physically aches to touch him. I can’t even explain it. When I’m around him it’s impossible for me not to touch him. Granted, I could not make it so sexual but things just lead to another. I’m not making excuses, I have no excuse, I’m just giving an explanation I guess.
So, once again I fooled around with this girl’s boyfriend. I’m a slut! And now, I’m all confused about how I really feel. Oh, and I also now have to give him unbiased advice about his current love life situation. How the hell do I get myself into these situations? Why do I do this!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Birthday Bash!
Saturday night was Sugarlips birthday celebration. Sugarlips s Teddy Bear’s recent ex girlfriend. We had gotten pretty close while they were dating and after their breakup I was really there for her. I was overwhelmed with exhaustion from working so many days in a row but I had already promised her I was going. It’s too bad none of my guys were there because I looked awesome! I wore an ultra mini skin tight red dress with a deep scoop in the back and leopard heels. I got a lot of compliments, even from random guys saying they loved my dress. The only thing I hate about clubs is the guys. Don’t touch me, don’t talk to me and don’t try to dance with me. It may sound rude, but I’m not there to meet someone and I don’t like strangers. Contrary to what guys believe, I got dolled up for me, not for them. After getting harassed by a couple of jerks (one guy even cornered me) I was beginning to think that guys couldn’t be any more disgusting. That was until some loser grabbed my waist and kissed my very naked and very exposed back. Oh, did I go mental.
Sugarlips has really bad luck with birthdays, so she was nervous about this one. She had every reason to worry. Her friend, Drama Queen, made the biggest scene outside the club. Apparently, she didn’t realize that only girls get free entrance; the guys have to pay whether or not they’re on guest list. This wouldn’t have been a problem had her boyfriend brought money with him. They both showed up to her best friend’s party with not one penny on them. I seriously do not understand how people do that. Drama Queen was such an embarrassment and despite being able to go to a bank or withdraw money from a depanneur, they both left.
Once we were inside the club, all the guys decided not to put in on the bottle. It’s a birthday and aren’t guys supposed to want to drink? I don’t know, I found it rather cheap of them. We ended up being only four on a bottle which is nowhere near enough people. Her friend and I said we would pay the difference but she felt too guilty. She didn’t want shots, but she felt bad asking us to pay extra (even though we offered). We bought it anyways and paid the difference, thinking she’d be happy. We were wrong. She moped around and pouted for an hour and refused to take a drink! Honestly, I understand that she was annoyed with everything that was going on but she could have appreciated what we tried to do for her. We just wanted her to enjoy herself and her birthday!
A lot of alcohol later, we all started to loosen up. It actually turned out to be pretty fun. I got really wasted and passed out as soon as I hit my pillow, sleeping beautifully.
Sugarlips has really bad luck with birthdays, so she was nervous about this one. She had every reason to worry. Her friend, Drama Queen, made the biggest scene outside the club. Apparently, she didn’t realize that only girls get free entrance; the guys have to pay whether or not they’re on guest list. This wouldn’t have been a problem had her boyfriend brought money with him. They both showed up to her best friend’s party with not one penny on them. I seriously do not understand how people do that. Drama Queen was such an embarrassment and despite being able to go to a bank or withdraw money from a depanneur, they both left.
Once we were inside the club, all the guys decided not to put in on the bottle. It’s a birthday and aren’t guys supposed to want to drink? I don’t know, I found it rather cheap of them. We ended up being only four on a bottle which is nowhere near enough people. Her friend and I said we would pay the difference but she felt too guilty. She didn’t want shots, but she felt bad asking us to pay extra (even though we offered). We bought it anyways and paid the difference, thinking she’d be happy. We were wrong. She moped around and pouted for an hour and refused to take a drink! Honestly, I understand that she was annoyed with everything that was going on but she could have appreciated what we tried to do for her. We just wanted her to enjoy herself and her birthday!
A lot of alcohol later, we all started to loosen up. It actually turned out to be pretty fun. I got really wasted and passed out as soon as I hit my pillow, sleeping beautifully.
And So He Returns..
After a month of not talking, The Jew sent me a message on facebook asking for help for his summer class. Just so you know, I come off really ditsy because I’m really pretty and I dress well. It’s stupid but true. I’m actually very smart; I was in the Honors program all of CEGEP and high school, participated twice in the regional Science Fair and still had time to organize Talent Shows and fundraisers. Most people don’t even try to hide their shock when they find out I’m going to McGill. I try not to let it get to me, even though it really bothers me.
I sent him a pretty nasty message back, something along the lines of: are you fucking serious? You don’t talk to me for a month and when you do you have the balls to ask me for help without even a question to how I’ve been all summer? You seriously have a lot of nerve.
Too harsh? I was so angry! I don’t really care for him anymore- that’s not even the point. I just felt really used, sexually and as a friend. I really helped him with his school work, I practically did it myself! Even though he says he really appreciated it, he had a funny way of showing it! He called me a couple of days after the facebook message saying he wasn’t asking for help. He even had the nerve to be angry that I assumed as much. Um, yeah. Urg! I didn’t even bother arguing, it wasn’t worth it.
A couple of days later I found out that he spoke to The Sweet One about me. They’re friends, and when he ran into her at summer school he brought me up. I’m so MORTIFIED and angry and embarrassed just thinking about it; I don’t even want to write it, but I will. He told her that he didn’t understand why I was upset since I was the one who stopped returning his calls (not true). Then he went on to say that he doesn’t want to hurt me but he’s seeing someone else and doesn’t know how to tell me (do I care?). THEN he says how he doesn’t mind talking to me (oh excuse me) but he doesn’t want to jeopardize his relationship with the girl he’s seeing by getting text messages from me.
Oh.
My.
God.
URGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
How embarrassing is that? How dare he! Does he really think that I wasted my entire summer pining away for him? Because I didn’t. I only sent him that nasty message on facebook because I was annoyed. That cocky piece of shit.
So last week I got a call from him at 12:30, in the morning. Okay, so who does he think he is to call me at that time? After everything? I was sleeping but I saw his missed call the next day. I debated whether or not I should call back but I figured I would play nice. He didn’t pick up so I went to bed.
I woke up to three missed calls and one text message. What the fuck? Now I’m thinking something must be wrong. I text messaged him back during the day saying: good morning, I’m at work right now sorry I missed you calls last night I was sleeping. Is everything okay? His response? NONE!!!
No call.
No text message.
Nothing.
So that was last Thursday. He called me Saturday and I very casually asked him if he got my text. He did. I guess he didn’t feel the need to message me back. Before you ask, no there was no emergency. I decided to take a Zen approach to this and just drop all my anger. We spoke for about an hour and guess what? He wanted to “watch a movie” with me THAT night. I already had plans (even though I wouldn’t have went either way) but he expected me to drop them.
We had a pretty decent conversation, he tried to flirt with me a lot though. I guess he’s no longer seeing that girl? Isn’t it rather funny how he comes crawling back to me? I’m really tired of being everyone’s second option. I had to leave to go to the party and he told me to call him sometimes. Which, will never happen unless hell freezes over and the fat lady sings.
He called AGAIN the next day but I didn’t pick up.
I hate boys and their stupid, stupid games.
I sent him a pretty nasty message back, something along the lines of: are you fucking serious? You don’t talk to me for a month and when you do you have the balls to ask me for help without even a question to how I’ve been all summer? You seriously have a lot of nerve.
Too harsh? I was so angry! I don’t really care for him anymore- that’s not even the point. I just felt really used, sexually and as a friend. I really helped him with his school work, I practically did it myself! Even though he says he really appreciated it, he had a funny way of showing it! He called me a couple of days after the facebook message saying he wasn’t asking for help. He even had the nerve to be angry that I assumed as much. Um, yeah. Urg! I didn’t even bother arguing, it wasn’t worth it.
A couple of days later I found out that he spoke to The Sweet One about me. They’re friends, and when he ran into her at summer school he brought me up. I’m so MORTIFIED and angry and embarrassed just thinking about it; I don’t even want to write it, but I will. He told her that he didn’t understand why I was upset since I was the one who stopped returning his calls (not true). Then he went on to say that he doesn’t want to hurt me but he’s seeing someone else and doesn’t know how to tell me (do I care?). THEN he says how he doesn’t mind talking to me (oh excuse me) but he doesn’t want to jeopardize his relationship with the girl he’s seeing by getting text messages from me.
Oh.
My.
God.
URGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
How embarrassing is that? How dare he! Does he really think that I wasted my entire summer pining away for him? Because I didn’t. I only sent him that nasty message on facebook because I was annoyed. That cocky piece of shit.
So last week I got a call from him at 12:30, in the morning. Okay, so who does he think he is to call me at that time? After everything? I was sleeping but I saw his missed call the next day. I debated whether or not I should call back but I figured I would play nice. He didn’t pick up so I went to bed.
I woke up to three missed calls and one text message. What the fuck? Now I’m thinking something must be wrong. I text messaged him back during the day saying: good morning, I’m at work right now sorry I missed you calls last night I was sleeping. Is everything okay? His response? NONE!!!
No call.
No text message.
Nothing.
So that was last Thursday. He called me Saturday and I very casually asked him if he got my text. He did. I guess he didn’t feel the need to message me back. Before you ask, no there was no emergency. I decided to take a Zen approach to this and just drop all my anger. We spoke for about an hour and guess what? He wanted to “watch a movie” with me THAT night. I already had plans (even though I wouldn’t have went either way) but he expected me to drop them.
We had a pretty decent conversation, he tried to flirt with me a lot though. I guess he’s no longer seeing that girl? Isn’t it rather funny how he comes crawling back to me? I’m really tired of being everyone’s second option. I had to leave to go to the party and he told me to call him sometimes. Which, will never happen unless hell freezes over and the fat lady sings.
He called AGAIN the next day but I didn’t pick up.
I hate boys and their stupid, stupid games.
Meeting the Manager
I’ve mentioned before that I’m getting transferred to the Le Chateau downtown. Well, I’ve been talking to the manager on the phone and he told me to pass by sometime this week to meet everyone and to see the store. Of course, I waited until Friday since I was getting my hair done on Thursday. I planned my outfit the night before- brown high waist pants with an ivory turtleneck with a scooped back, leopard heals and gold jewelry. All Le Chateau. All super expensive.
I walked in (super nervous) and introduced myself. The manager was so impressed with me! He kept checking me out and showing me around the ENTIRE store, introducing me to everyone as the Elite! (Which just basically means I sell a lot). He even made me try on the matching vest to my pants.
The store is huge, maybe ten times the size of mine, and has not one but two floors! I’m so excited to work there! It’s a bit nerve wrecking though meeting all those new people and being the new girl. They have triple the amount of staff that we do and I’m absolutely horrible at remembering names. Plus, we’re on commission (my old store just started but nobody ever fought over it) and I know it’ll be totally different. One girl even fought with another employee in front of me to get a client. Hopefully, I’ll get used to it and that scene was just a one time thing.
We’re supposed to go to New York on Labor Day weekend, which coincidently is the weekend of our first meeting. I told my new manager that I couldn’t work untilt he 4th because I was at the other Chateau, but really I just wanted a vacation. I’ve been working at The Law Firm, the graphic design company and Le Chateau for the past two and a half weeks straight. I’m EXHAUSTED. I could have said the truth, but he really wants me to start right away and I was scared he wouldn’t give me the vacation. We might not end up going to NY now because The Cousin’s grandfather is in the hospital :(. If we cancel, then I’ll go to the meeting but if not then I need to think of an excuse. He thinks that I’m working at the other Chateau and told me to leave at four, that way I could work and attend the meeting. If I’m in New York though, I clearly won’t be able to go. I was thinking that if we don’t cancel, I’ll tell him that my parents surprised me with a pre-university trip. How does that sound?
I’m going to see him (I forgot his name already!) on Thursday again. The meeting could possibly be the week after Labor Day, which would make everything easy! I’ll find out tonight if NY is still on. Ahhhh I hope everything works out!!
I walked in (super nervous) and introduced myself. The manager was so impressed with me! He kept checking me out and showing me around the ENTIRE store, introducing me to everyone as the Elite! (Which just basically means I sell a lot). He even made me try on the matching vest to my pants.
The store is huge, maybe ten times the size of mine, and has not one but two floors! I’m so excited to work there! It’s a bit nerve wrecking though meeting all those new people and being the new girl. They have triple the amount of staff that we do and I’m absolutely horrible at remembering names. Plus, we’re on commission (my old store just started but nobody ever fought over it) and I know it’ll be totally different. One girl even fought with another employee in front of me to get a client. Hopefully, I’ll get used to it and that scene was just a one time thing.
We’re supposed to go to New York on Labor Day weekend, which coincidently is the weekend of our first meeting. I told my new manager that I couldn’t work untilt he 4th because I was at the other Chateau, but really I just wanted a vacation. I’ve been working at The Law Firm, the graphic design company and Le Chateau for the past two and a half weeks straight. I’m EXHAUSTED. I could have said the truth, but he really wants me to start right away and I was scared he wouldn’t give me the vacation. We might not end up going to NY now because The Cousin’s grandfather is in the hospital :(. If we cancel, then I’ll go to the meeting but if not then I need to think of an excuse. He thinks that I’m working at the other Chateau and told me to leave at four, that way I could work and attend the meeting. If I’m in New York though, I clearly won’t be able to go. I was thinking that if we don’t cancel, I’ll tell him that my parents surprised me with a pre-university trip. How does that sound?
I’m going to see him (I forgot his name already!) on Thursday again. The meeting could possibly be the week after Labor Day, which would make everything easy! I’ll find out tonight if NY is still on. Ahhhh I hope everything works out!!
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